Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
