i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
