You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
