I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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