he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
