Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
