i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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