No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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