He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're too hungover to prance.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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