There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
