well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me I should be a condom model.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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