bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
