This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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