my mouth tastes like poor choices
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
