Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
