I'm drive I can fine osifer
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
