i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
