I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
