we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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