im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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