Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
