I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
