C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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