dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize