so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Bring me that man meat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
