i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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