Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
