Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
