Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
