I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
