Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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