dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
