How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
pray to the hookup gods
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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