Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I understand Curling. That high.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
