you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
