I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
