How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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