You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
