Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
