dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
