According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
