What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
