oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i need some magic done to my vagina
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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