You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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