I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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