So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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