So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Found your dick twin last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
