her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
