Farmville is her only friend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
