I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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