i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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