He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
