I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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