I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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