Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
