$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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