You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
