1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Randomize
