I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
