there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
