its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
