i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
