They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize