Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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