Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
