I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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