Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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