Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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