Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
