you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize