Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
