Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
