I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
