Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
