I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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