She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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