I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
