i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
