Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
