every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so let's talk penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
