I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
