I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
