So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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