Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
