just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
