The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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