No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
