my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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