Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
