So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize