Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
