my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
