after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
